I should buy stock in whatever pharmaceutical giant owns Tums. I can’t live without them lately. I’m fairly certain that my calcium levels are sufficient; I chow those little pink-and-purple chalk tablets by the handful on a daily basis lately. And no, this isn’t that weird disorder where pregnant women want to eat chalk — literally — or dirt or whatever. I just have nasty, nasty heartburn.

On the overall scale of Things That Annoy Me right now, this one probably registers a 5 on the 1-10 scale, where one is something only barely annoying, like, I dunno… breathing… and 10 is something REALLY annoying, like the Charlie horse ligament cramps I get at 3 a.m. that make walking impossible and leave me curled in the fetal position in bed, moaning. (This tends to freak out hubby quite regularly.)

If I could understand the reason that I have such constant heartburn, perhaps it would be more tolerable. (Yeah, riiiight.) I mean, what is the point? WHY does this happen? Back pain makes sense at least – it’s understandable when you’re carrying a 40-pound beach ball on your belly that you might get a bit worn out. I read somewhere in my library of pregnancy books that it’s caused by the relaxation of the throat muscles or some such crap. Again, what is the point? Does baby benefit somehow by Mama choking on her stomach acid in the middle of the night, or avoiding eating anything other than white bread after 6 p.m.? I don’t get it.

Just last night, I went out for Thai food at this great restaurant in the neighborhood. And before I ordered my favorite spicy panang curry, I had to weigh the consequences: do I really want to eat this? Will it be worth the burn later tonight? Can I find some kind of Super Mega Extra Strength antacid on the way home to get ahead of the curve here?

I went for the panang last night. I suffered for it later. But damn, that coconut curry rocked my world for a few minutes. And right now? Anything that makes me forget my many aches and pains and worries for a brief amount of time is worth the inevitable consequences.