So I was going to the pool for a few weeks, trying to get a little exercise. Swimming is about the only thing I seem to be capable of, exercise-wise. (Waddling around the grocery store and baby superstore don’t really count, do they?)

But I’ve noticed two things that now have me hanging up my swimsuit.

1. People look really freaked out when they see an 8 1/2-months-preggo chick awkwardly lowering herself into the pool. Are they worried that my water will break, and they’ll get cooties? Do they think I’ll sink to the bottom? (Actually, the belly is sort of like a big, round, protruding flotation device.) Are they scared that if I go into labor, they’ll need a forklift to get me out?

2. Two words: bikini line. I can still manage to shave my armpits, and can even manage — barely — to keep my lower legs relatively hair-free. But the bikini line? C’mon! I can’t SEE my bikini line, let alone manage the necessary upkeep of that particular nether region. And I’m not going to be sporting a swim suit with some crazy ’70s-porn-star look, either. I have zero interest in getting my roly-poly self waxed right now. (Um, kinda thinking that the “landing strip” look is a bit silly with a stretch-mark-covered beach ball sitting on top of it.)

I guess the whale is officially beached.