Okay. It’s official. I’m down to about one week’s worth of clothing that fits. I have exactly three pairs of maternity jeans that still stretch all the way ’round (two cropped, one full-length pair). I also have one pair of stretchy maternity shorts that fit, two pairs of leggings, and exactly two pair of yoga/sweat pants. That’s my entire bottom-half wardrobe.

Now that the weather is heating up, I am very limited on tanks and tees that fit. But I don’t want to buy any more maternity stuff! If I never set foot in another maternity clothing store, that will be just fine by me.

My mom recently bought me two dresses that she thought would be comfortable for the warm weather. The style — and I use the term loosely — is your basic, huge 1960′s caftan. I believe they call them muumuu dresses in Hawaii. In plain English, I think the term “Tent Dress” sums it up nicely.

I’ve been resistant to the tent dresses. I mean, really – who wants to look BIGGER at this point? With all that swishy fabric? And of course one of them is floral. (Big. Floral. Swishy. Tent. Dress.) For Pete’s sake, people.

Then again, I have less than one month left. I don’t want to buy any more huge clothes. And I’m not at all interested in squeezing my swollen self into anything that isn’t comfortable. So who cares if I look like Casper the Colorful Ghost? Sure, I’ll walk around in a bedsheet.

I have no dignity left. (waddle waddle, swish, swish).